I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
