cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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