You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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