A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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