I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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