the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
