why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
