yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize