conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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