even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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