Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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