plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
