Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
3pm strippers are depressing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
