omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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