yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
