would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
