omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
