her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
