What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
