Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
