I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
