Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
