I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
