Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
