i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
