They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
