the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
