Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
