you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
