I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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