Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize