remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
