We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
