Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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