I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
