I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
