I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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