one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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