i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
