So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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