Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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