i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
