onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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