Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
