He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i think my cat just said my name.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize