did you get engaged???
i just wanna soil my oats bro
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
