last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
