Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
