We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
