Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
