that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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