We won't sleep together?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He better not be in your backpack
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
