Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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