At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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