More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Let's get the cat blown out
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
