Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
