I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
