Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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