yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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