I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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