I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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