P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
