Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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