I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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