I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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