I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
