i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
