ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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