I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
