He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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