Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
