i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
